D3 body, D1 cock
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize