Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
