so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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