Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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