somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
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