Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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