I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize