whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
