So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
