Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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