real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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