Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
