I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
