he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
