why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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