im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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