So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
