walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
