I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
