Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
