...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
