Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
