weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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