1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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