is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's never too late to be topless.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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