Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i will never coherently bang her
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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