i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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