Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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