he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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