Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
