Four minutes until I can fart!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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