Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
