just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
