The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
