the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
