Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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