If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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