Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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