if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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