he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
