How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
