so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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