If i come over, it means nothing
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I have demons in me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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