4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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