So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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