I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
