I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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