Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
