I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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