He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
someone owes me an orgasm
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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