hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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