you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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