meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
