M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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