mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
