i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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