Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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