I think my vagina is haunted
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize