Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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