I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
