i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize