put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
