she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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