She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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