Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

What did we do last night that was yellow?

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(217): View more from Illinois

he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper

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(541): View more from Oregon

If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?

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(519): View more from Ontario

What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?

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(770): View more from Georgia

Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.

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(440): View more from Ohio

Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?

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(718): View more from New York

He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!

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(207): View more from Maine

What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand

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(828): View more from North Carolina

So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.

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