Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
