i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
